your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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