No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
