Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
