Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
