Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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