How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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