You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
