it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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