I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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