just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Vodka?
Forever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
