I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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