i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
