Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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