Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
