grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
