I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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