but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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