yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
