you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
