he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
