I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
