Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I deserve this hangover.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
