Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
