ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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