My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
