You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
