That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
