my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
