she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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