my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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