I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
