Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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