I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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