You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it hurts more in the daytime
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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