Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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