Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
