I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
