well I can't set my house on fire every night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
