if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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