EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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