The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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