So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
