tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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