I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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