There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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