Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
