I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
