Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
