my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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