the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
