We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
