Sacagawea was the original milf.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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