1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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