Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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