I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
