I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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