when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
