i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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