i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
