help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
