so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
