I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
two words: eviction party
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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