i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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